Retro Goodness

I am a huge fan of 'alternative' beauty. As I should be, since at my heart of shriveled up hearts, I am very much goth. A very special type of goth as dubbed by my best friend, 'posh goth'. I.e. I take the morose and morbid and turn it more 'mainstream' and that was due to habit; my loving mother refused to let me walk out the door in any shape or form that would cause embarrassment to her.  Don't worry, I still found ways to wear fishnets on my arms but my make up could not and would not be as dark as I wanted it to be.  The most I could get away with was skin a shade or two lighter (and boy, was I pale since I avoided the sun), nude lips and smoky eyes. Sometimes I rebelled and wore black eyeliner and chapstick on my lips but I always got in trouble.

Now, if I had the balls to dress more 1950s, I doubt mother would not have approved. After all, those were the golden days and she got to enjoy the late 50s and early 60s in her youth.

But, you know, I considered it too bright back then.

Here I am, thirty some odd years of age and I have found the love affair to the 50s look. Again. And this time, I can try it. My hair, after all, is much, much, much longer than it was in my teenage years. I can and will wear whatever the hell I want make up wise and clothes wise because, eff it, its my money.

My money. My life. My business.

Ah, but for a while I felt I had surpassed the perfect length for the pin-up hair. Slayer is past my tailbone... in another four inches I may be able to sit on him. Wet sets don't really work, pin curls only last for so long (believe me, I tried them last year for the Power of She shoot for the Dames for Dreams. )

So, why bother now?

Because as a Dame and a huge advocate of learning to empower myself, I also have something to prove to myself; I can and will do what will give me strength and if that means a little bit of blush and some fancy, shmancy hair so be it.

That and D4D also has collaborated with Pinups Against Bullying Inc. for their Washington chapter. (Yes, I totally jumped into that project as an admin with both feet!) I haven't touched much about my personal life in this blog but I was bullied as a kid. A lot. And I mean -- a lot.

We're talking adults imposing their sexuality on me (catcalling, groping, molesting), kids my age picking up on that (name calling, 'pranks', a gang of girls wanting to beat me up for standing up for myself for once), kids younger than me (monkey see, monkey do), family, strangers... The whole kit and caboodle. It was awful. I hated my life as a kid--- is it obvious why I wore my disdain for humanity on my sleeve?

The whole experience has left me with more baggage than I can carry and a nagging voice in the back of my head that makes me second guess everything.

I am tired of spending days in bed without the desire to get out (I timed it. One day in December I spent almost 20 hours in bed, hiding under the blankets in a cycle of crying, sleeping, web surfing and crying. Eventually I only got out of the bedroom to relieve myself.). I'm tired of not liking myself. I'm tired of being tired.

So, with that, I am going out of my way to do things that typically make me uncomfortable.

And one of those things? Stepping in front of the camera. Power of She marked the beginning of that trend (and boy did I!). I have since then I have modeled a few more times. Infrequently, but I have... and I am doing it again, this time for another project I am absolutely crazy about.

And......the dress code is 1950s pin up style.

-deep breaths-

So, today marks the first day of practice. I have until 8/13 to perfect a look for the PAB photo shoot.

I chose to try the victory rolls.

I cannot roll Slayer the way Iris does.  Slayer is simply too fucking long. I can *barely* reach the ends even by over-directing the hair in one direction. Curse my t-rex arms!

So I modified it.

I pulled the hair over as she does in the vide by over-directing. I reached as far as I could, pressed my fingers against the hair and wrapped the ends a few times until I had a section short enough to pin between my fingertips. I then gently tucked the ends as I pulled my fingers out, then rolled it to my scalp. Pin.

So far, so good. The shape, from looking downward is perfect. Face on? Victory curls ain't so victorious.

That's okay.

Practice makes perfect, I say!

PS: Curling the ends would certainly help.