Mother nature is Serenity

The past few months have been nothing but stressful. We're talking the usual wear and tear from the fiscal grind on top of more serious, personal matters. While I've pretended that everything is 'o.k' and I keep toiling with my mouth mum in a very misguided attempt to keep the monsters from becoming reality, my little universe has begun to unravel.

But see, I've been down this road before. I can see the outcome from miles away and I don't want to end up there again. I am done with the panic attacks, the self-harm and the belief that I'm not worth enough to seek help in any shape or form. These demons I've come to know so well are there, ready to pounce, tug, and pull me down the rabbit hole. And I have no desire to let that happen. Ever. Again.

I have more tools at my disposal this time. Whereas before all I had was my writing -- and now that I am feeling more powerful than I did before, I have searched and searched for the Muse that kept me alive. She's nowhere to be seen... or at least I thought she was gone. But like the caterpillar she's just found a different incarnation to help me along with and so far its been the shape of a camera.

Since I've gotten this camera I've been out and a bout more. I've also started to see the world in a different way and I've also found myself doing things I haven't done before.

Since I left SoCal almost thirteen years ago, I have not been as in tune with mother nature as I used to . My hikes have been less. My sense of adventure muted. I used to run around in the forests of Santa Anita or swim along the waves of Long Beach and I'd be fueled with so many images that I'd go home and write for ages. Now that same desire to create has returned in a way I never expected it. I do not go out there to be inspired. I leave my house because *I am* inspired.  In the last two weeks I've been out and about. I've seen friends I haven't in a long time.... and I find myself balanced for those few precious moments I'm walking along with Mother Nature.

The sound of her streams, the feel of her tear drops on my face, the way my feet sink into her pathways. I love it all. Why, the hell, did I not do this with more frequency?

I suppose I wasn't ready yet.


Anyhow, I figure I'd share more of the lovely landscapes I have always adored.